Why?

Sometimes I think that people who put their lives up on the Internet must be some crazy, egocentric, narcissistic loon.  I mean, really?  What makes your life/kids/work/etc so special that it must be put out for the world to see?  I guess I have crossed over to the land of the loonies, because I somehow feel this blog is already semi-cathartic.  I used to fill up notebook upon notebook journaling when I was a teenager.  I had a LiveJournal account in college in which I went a little overboard detailing my escapades and accidentally admitted to cheating on a boyfriend.  (Oops)  And now there is this blog for my Cutie Pie.   But why? 

1.  I need a place to vent/whine/complain.  People I know in real life probably could care less that my beautiful little girl had a diaper filled with mucus today.  Some details should just be kept private - or aired on the Internet for any stranger to read.  

Plus, I feel the somewhat compulsive need to have other people see me as rock solid.  The mom who goes to bat for her kids without blinking.  The mom who isn't afraid of anything.  The mom who has it all together.  The truth is I feel like I am grasping at strings and barely hanging on.  Every case of the hiccups or new itchy spot of eczema makes my heart race.  I vacuum my floors three times a day - not because I'm superwife and want a clean house, but because I'm terrified my three year old will drop something and Cutie Pie will pick it up and eat it.  I'm afraid the doctors will give me bad news or worse - no news.   I'm afraid to give Cutie Pie a lick of a lollipop or let her chew on board books.  Right now I'm the exact opposite of who I want other people to see me as so I can only turn my thoughts and confessions onto the ears of strangers.

2.  I feel alone.  How do you describe FPIES to friends/family?  My son has "typical" food allergies and I still have to very closely watch his food interactions with people who have known him his whole life.  Just a few months ago I had to take away a bag of M&Ms that my mom bought him because they have the possibility of containing peanuts.  Apparently my mom doesn't understand that she needs to read EVERY food label warning.  How in the heck do I expect her to every understand the lengths I need to take to keep Cutie Pie safe?

3.  Other FPIES mommies that have blogs have been a huge lifeline for me.  After I initially came across FPIES as a possibility for Cutie Pie I felt as if I had a huge black cloud following me around.  Reading other people's experiences helped me know that yes, this sucks but at the same time it can work.  Hopefully I can return the favor one day. 

4.  I read something on another FPIES mommy blog about feeling like one of the "cool kids" by having a blog about it.  It's kinda true.  It seems like the thing to do, so why not.  I love to write, I love my kids, and it just kinda fits. 

So Blog-o-sphere, here I am.  Good to meet you.